Being the “Winner” in Your Divorce

For readers who are thinking about or just starting their divorce, “winning” is an important concept. They want to win the property division, win the child custody fight, and win on spousal maintenance and child support. And in our first meeting, they want to know how I’m going to help them win.

Veterans of the divorce process sing a different tune. One that sounds a lot like Tiger Man McCool from Bobby Bare’s song “The Winner” (lyrics by Shel Silverstein!). In the song, Tiger Man McCool is known to have won every fight he’s ever been in. But when he’s challenged to another one, he talks about how his teeth got knocked out like Chiclets, a steel pin holds his jaw in place because he crashed his motorcycle in his most successful race, he broke his back fighting a guy after he slept with the guy’s wife, and his nose might fly off if he sneezes because he’s broken it so many times.

Divorce “winners” are often in a similar spot. They might have a little more of the property, a little more time with the kids, and a couple bucks more in spousal maintenance. Rather than busted teeth and a steel pin in their head, though, they paid their lawyer thousands and thousands more than they had to. They embarrassed someone they have to co-parent with for the next decade in open court. They probably alienated a fair number of mutual friends and they spent many sleepless nights fighting a two-year divorce that could have been over in six months had they been willing to compromise.

So if you’re new to the divorce process, ask a friend (or a family law attorney) who’s been through it what makes someone a “winner.” I think they’ll sound a lot like the guy who walked away from fighting Tiger Man McCool: “But my eyes still see and my nose still works and my teeth’re still in my mouth. And you know I guess that makes me the winner…”